Oh! the night that I struck New York
I went out for a quiet walk
Folks who are on to the city say
Better by far that I take Broadway
But I was out to enjoy the sights
There was the Bow'ry ablaze with lights
I had one of the devil's own nights
I'll never go there anymore

Refrain
The Bow'ry, the Bow'ry!
They say such things, and they do strange things
On the Bow'ry, The Bow'ry!
I'll never go there anymore!

I had walk'd but a block or two
When up came a fellow, and me he knew
Then a policeman came walking by
Chased him away, and I asked him why
"Wasn't he pulling your leg?," said he
I said, "He never laid hands on me!"
"Get off the Bow'ry, you Yap!," said he
I'll never go there anymore

I went into an auction store
I never saw any thieves before
First he showed me a pair of socks
Then he said, "How much for the box?"
Someone said "Two dollars!" I said "Three!"
He emptied the box and gave that to me
"I sold you the box, not the socks," said he
I'll never go there any more

I went into a concert hall
I didn't have a good time at all
Just the minute that I sat down
Girls began singing "New Coon in Town"
I got up mad and spoke out free
"Somebody put that man out," said she
A man called a bouncer attended to me
I'll never go there anymore

I went into a barbershop
He talked till I thought that he'd never stop
I said, "Cut it short," he misunderstood
Clipped down my hair just as close as he could
He shaved with a razor that scratched like a pin
Took off my whiskers and most of my chin
That was the worst scrape I ever got in*
I'll never go there anymore

I struck a place that they called a "dive"
I was in luck to get out alive
When the policeman heard of my woes
Saw my black eye and my battered nose
"You've been held up!" said the copper fly
"No, sir! But I've been knocked down," said I
Then he laughed, though I couldn't see why
I'll never go there anymore

* When I performed this song, after this line, I paused and said to the audience, "Don't blame me, I didn't write it!"